insomnia and depression

You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book. Psalm 56:8 (The Message)

I have a friend plagued by insomnia, Jehovah-Jireh, Lord of all provision. He's seen all the doctors and had all the tests; nothing is working. The nights stretch out before him and the darkness is heavy in his eyes. His family is discouraged and I know that they feel the fear of the unknown. What can he do but wait?

I don't think the battle belongs to Kevin, Lord. I see him positioned behind you, waiting on and praying for deliverance. There are forces arrayed against him, forces he cannot see and does not understand. You alone know this enemy.

Lead him through the long nights, God. Make your way straight before him. Keep his feet from stumbling, that he may walk before you again in the light of life.

for a runaway teenager

"Imagine a woman who has ten coins and loses one. Won't she light a lamp and scour the house, looking in every nook and cranny until she finds it? And when she finds it you can be sure she'll call her friends and neighbors: 'Celebrate with me! I found my lost coin!' Count on it—that's the kind of party God's angels throw every time one lost soul turns to God." Luke 15:8-10 (The Message)

When I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:4-6 (New Living Translation)

I don't know what this young woman is struggling with, this one who has disappeared into the streets of an unforgiving city. I don't know what things in her have been broken, or what she suffers. I only know that she does suffer.

I don't like thinking of her as "lost" particularly, as if she somehow wandered off course or was treated negligently and mislaid. Rather, she ran away. I expect there may be anger and resentment, and an unwillingness to continue under the conditions in which she found herself. Maybe she thought anything was better than that. Maybe anything was.

So I find myself seeking words with which to make my request, El Shaddai, all-sufficient one, on behalf of this young woman who is the niece of my friend. I know you seek her, but I don't know if, like a coin, she waits passively to be found. Nonetheless, be close beside her with your biggest, scariest-looking staff -- keep the dogs at bay, and give her your protection. Find a way to feed her, even in the midst of her enemies. I beg blessings on her behalf, blessings she never expects, blessings to bring her life and sanctuary. Pursue her with your relentless love, your unfailing compassion. Every day, love her.

waiting for you

I pray to God—my life a prayer—
and wait for what he'll say and do.
My soul waits for the Lord,
waiting and watching till morning,
waiting and watching till morning. Psalm 130:5-6

My friend Jen is tired and weary; you have always given her strength for the coming day. She is of anxious heart; you have always given her peace for the coming day. She faces struggle on every side; you have always kept her safe in trials. Her road is hidden; you have always marked the road for the coming day. Night surrounds her; you have always lightened the darkness. Though you may be silent now, you have always spoken when the time was ripe. Keep her in the shadow of your wings as she watches and waits for the morning.

It's a season of little peace for Jen and Fred. I thank you for sending them as you promised to do, and I ask your special blessing on them as they come. May their household be safely and expediently packed. May their children ride the wave of change in their world with your support. May this family find a place to house them here, and begin to find peace anew.

in thanksgiving for God's army of women

God will arise. His enemies will be scattered. Those who hate him will flee from him. Blow them away like smoke. Let wicked people melt in God’s presence like wax next to a fire. But let righteous people rejoice. Let them celebrate in God’s presence. Let them overflow with joy. Sing to God; make music to praise his name. Make a highway for him to ride through the deserts. The LORD is his name. Celebrate in his presence. The God who is in his holy dwelling place is the father of the fatherless and the defender of widows. God places lonely people in families. He leads prisoners out of prison into productive lives, but rebellious people must live in an unproductive land. O God, when you went in front of your people, when you marched through the desert, the earth quaked and the sky poured in the presence of the God of Sinai, in the presence of the God of Israel. You watered the land with plenty of rain, O God. You refreshed it when your land was exhausted. Your flock settled there. Out of your goodness, O God, you provided for oppressed people. The Lord gives instructions. The women who announce the good news are a large army. Psalm 68:1-11

Rise up, O God, and lead your people. We, the women whom you have called, stand ready to follow. May those who oppose you melt before your coming like wax before a fire. We will work to make ready the path before you, God of Sinai, God of provision; we will go wherever you lead. With our families, with celebration and praise, in times of plenty and times of exhaustion, where there is rain and where there is thirst, we will listen for your instruction and we will follow.

sanctuary

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Psalm 46:4-5 (NIV)

In my vision, the man brought me back to the entrance of the Temple. There I saw a stream flowing east from beneath the door of the Temple and passing to the right of the altar on its south side. The man brought me outside the wall through the north gateway and led me around to the eastern entrance. There I could see the water flowing out through the south side of the east gateway. Ezekiel 47:1-2 (NLT)

Jehovah-Rophe, God of Healing, I come bruised to your sacred haunt, your holy river. Behind me, mountains fall into the heart of the sea, making her waters roar and foam. Before me, your peace descends within the sanctuary. In the stillness I know you, and you are lifted up. I abide in the silence, looking eastward to the new day.

on my son's first day of public school

So we tell others about Christ, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all the wisdom God has given us. We want to present them to God, mature in their relationship to Christ. That’s why I work and struggle so hard, depending on Christ’s mighty power that works within me. Colossians 1:28-29 (NLT)

How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word. Psalm 119:9 (NLT)

Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. 2 Timothy 2:22 (NLT)

I want you to be wise in doing right and to stay innocent of any wrong. The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 16:19-20 (NLT)

Today I fought the traffic (why did everyone seem so angry and in such a terrible rush?) in order to take my oldest child to a public school for the first time. He referred to it as "normal" school; I joked that it was "Muggle" school. For me, normal has been the last twelve years of teaching him about you, about the world, about his place in your order. His father and I have been teaching and warning with all the wisdom you have given us. I haven't always felt adequate to the task, but I've relied (sometimes not so willingly) on your power. Now I struggle with handing over some of the responsibility for my son's education to a group of public school teachers. My first prayer is that these teachers might depend on you. God, be in that school, and with my son.

Help my son to love holiness. It sounds a little crazy when I say that – a twelve year old, loving holiness?? – but it's what I most deeply want for him. Help him to find companions of pure heart. Make him wise in doing good, and innocent of any wrong. Crush the forces that would oppose you under your feet, and cover us all with your grace.

on the death of a child

Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!” …I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” Lamentations 3:17-24

We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. And you are helping us by praying for us. 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 (NLT)

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 5:16 (NLT)

I can barely say this one, Jesus. Someone's child has died. And not just the child, but so many dreams, so many hopes for a future that won't unfold the way they thought it would. Peace has been stripped away; the splendor of a young, beautiful life is gone. I know your heart is broken, and this family must be crushed and overwhelmed beyond their ability to endure. This awful time will never be forgotten. How does one comfort another in such a time? Perhaps they can't. Perhaps only you can bring succor in a time like this.

I beg you to rescue this family from danger. The powers that oppose you have risen up and will seek to crush any vessel that attempts to receive the outpouring of your love. Bind up this marriage, Lord. Send your angels to defend your people. Build a fortress around this suffering, grieving family. Help them to rely on you.

And send people who are sturdy in the faith to pray over and stand with this family. Not just now, when the news is fresh and the pain brand-new, but send them later, as the shadows lengthen, the evening comes, and the rest of the world seems to have moved on.

May the story of Natalie's life be told and celebrated and remembered. Something truly beautiful has passed away. We are left in your hands, awaiting your hope.

a fractious child prays for mercy

He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses. Psalm 33:7 (NIV)

Master and Maker, I am overwhelmed. I am disturbed and unsettled, and I grumble about the shortcomings of everything and everyone around me. I'm tiresome even to myself. My life plays out on a huge stretch of sunny beach, yet I find myself complaining about the cigarette butts tangled in the seawrack or the dearth of perfect shells. How can I stand beneath the scattered blue wavelengths of atmosphere, looking at forty million square miles of ocean, and be irritable at how hard it is to keep my life under control? Somehow I do it. Lord, have mercy on me.

Sometimes I wander out in your universe and believe myself tipped, turned, and stroking into your deep; I fancy myself welcomed by the leviathan, at home among your frightful pressures and ominous mysteries. Most of the time I'm really only in up to my waist, feeling the tidepull, perhaps, but not really risking anything. True, once in a while one of your great creatures of the deep slips into the shallows and makes itself known, but for the most part I don't know that terror. If I am honest I know that to go where they live is to be stripped of the control I so desire. I can't carry anything with me if I am going to swim past the breakers, and I'm definitely a minor player – a silverling at best – in the place where the water turns from gray-green to black. Lord, have mercy on me.

Today I am undecided. Can I be peaceable on the sand? Do I want to venture toward the deep? Safety is like the grave, and my blood urges me to move, but…

Lord, have mercy on me.

a psalm-prayer in celebration of my friend Matt's birthday

from Psalm 139:1-18

O Lord, you have searched Matt and you know him. He is an open book to you: even from a distance, you know what he's thinking. You know when he leaves and when he gets back; he is never out of your sight. You know everything he's going to say before he starts the first sentence. Behind and before him, you have laid your hand upon him. If he climbs to the sky, you are there! If he goes underground, you are there. If he flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, you would be there waiting for him. You see in the dark; it's as if Matt is immersed in the light! You shaped him inside and out in your usual breathtaking manner -- just like you have made us all. Body and soul, we are marvelously made. May we rise in the morning and live always with you.

finding a school for a child, and for a spiritual education

I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God's great mystery. All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else. And we've been shown the mystery! Colossians 2:2-4 (The Message)

Break open your words, let the light shine out, let ordinary people see the meaning. Psalm 119:130 (The Message)

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Proverbs 2:1-5, 9-11 (NIV)

Author and Finisher of our Faith, for five years now and more, you have been forming Campbell in your image, growing in him the faith that you have also formed in his parents. Thank you for weaving them together into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of you. Give his parents confidence as they keep their focus on Christ while seeking a school for Campbell. Send them a powerful partner in the teachers and administrators of his school so that as this family -- together with our church family -- continue to raise Campbell to know you, he will understand what is right and just and fair, and wisdom will enter his heart and be pleasant to his soul. Pour out your richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge upon our community. Help us break open your words and let the light shine out of them, so that we may share that light with all to whom you send us.

for Edrica and Barry, who are sick

He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Psalm 107:20 (New International Version)

It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's! Romans 8:10-11 (The Message)

Healer of Galilee, you are our our Light and Salvation, the stronghold of our lives. You give your angels charge over us to accompany and defend and preserve us. I come to you on behalf of Edrica and Barry, and for them I ask for your deep and powerful healing. Their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and I know you desire life abundant and whole, for both of them.

Both Edrica and Barry have spent a lot of time in the hospital lately. And Edrica is so young to be so weighed down by the infirmities of the body. Help her to not allow troubled thoughts to envelop her life in darkness, fear, or anger.

Mighty God, may both these children of yours have the same attitude and purpose that was in Christ, never letting the strain and difficulty of enduring such a trial destroy or damage their faith in you. Bend the skills of those in whose care they rest toward you, and use each life-giver -- each nurse, doctor, and friend -- for your ultimate purpose. Use us to help a hurting people know your abiding presence guiding and supporting their speech, their actions, their decision-making, and their love.